here we go! here we go! again.

i have been on an overdose of van she, the presets and feist lately, thanks to dear encik boyfriend who has been such a candy for downloading them all for me. it has, in fact, been going on for more than two weeks now. listening to these tunes (over and over and over again) really does relieve me off these unfathomable worries i can never explain why they're even there in the first place. macam mejik je :)

i remember a few weeks into the relationship, one fine day while we were in the car, he was asking me about the kinda music i listen to and the bands that i dig.

"tell me, awak dengar lagu yang macam mane eh?"

it sounded pretty bizarre to me that after a year of spending time together being friends, he had never made out the kinda songs and beats i feel at home with. and so, i told him. that night, i recalled him sending me a text saying that he had just finished listening to this band i told him about. and the way he was being all jumpy and downright agitated about the whole thing, reminded me of this delightful feeling i had after i'd introduced my little sister to her now favourite ice cream flavour, cookies 'n cream. the familiar gladness came rushing back to me, right then and there. as if i had just helped him made an enormous discovery or something.

he has always been good at that, making me feel like things that i do are really great and tells me i'm just perfect when in real, we all know that is just sheer bull to the shit. hahah! so yeah, i've got a boyfriend who doesn't mind catering to my daily dose drama needs. heaven is indeed right here, filling in the delicate spaces between me and him :)

which, by the looks of it, is actually the size of west malaysia.
kewl.

and it's also hilariously the same with the others -- my favourite authors, books, movies, sitcoms, cuisine, hangout spots etc etc. it's as if he needs to know everything now, all at once and it is indeed vital for him to digest it all, carefully scrutinize it through and it is MAD i tell you.

so yeah, that explains why i've got the whole collection of feist's albums in my laptop, he bloody downloaded them all for me. he is really is THAT kinda boyfriend.

(you may puke here if you want to -_-")

jaysus. i've been out of school for over a month now, and all i've ever been talking about is him. pathetic gile enn?

darn it why can't i even come up with anything that is even remotely interesting? i need a life, ASAP.

tak apa tak apa, bandung in ten days. bandung in ten days.. bandung in ten days..

the dysfunctional trio

so there i was, at the verge of exploding my brains out. i was literally tiptoe-ing at the edge of a cliff, balancing my guts out whilst slyly cursing my system for letting myself get into such mess in the first place.

on the basis of normality, a normal person would be provided with two foreseeable outcomes. it's either i jump off the cliff (with or without my consent), or i fight it off and brace myself with all i might; so i could be transported back to the safe land. both of which require much hard work and effort for me to put on.

but, being the classic me, i hate it when that happens -- an 'either or' situation. either i choose A and save my ass or i choose B and wind up dead. i hate it when i'm provided with only two options and little guidance and not much of an ample time to think it through.

one might think that i don't work best, nevertheless function well, under pressured circumstances. but really, i would like to think that it's not the entire point here. we're talking about options that are being laid upon for you to carefully choose here. and acknowledging the fact that i am hard to be pleased, it would be a great pleasure to be left with more than just two bloody options, mind you.

try picturing you're a football star at a harmless, every day-normal footie training session. your football coach decided that you should be doing a couple of laps today, so he provides you with two of the most hideous pairs of trainers. whilst you are left with them equally dodgy pairs of kicks, he's pressuring you to make a choice real fast because, at about 10 feet away, 5 mean-looking racer dogs are running your way because the great coach decided that you might as well 'get along with the best' while you're at it.

not making any sense, i know.

what i'm trying to reach here is, that more often than not, the two motherfucking options i am left to pick out at the end of the day are most likely to be two of the most hideous options known to mankind. how am i supposed to make the right decision when both options are equally fucked up in nature? so yes, i blame both the dodgy pairs of trainers and them sick racers dogs.

that, and my ego that's the size of pahang in the malaysian map. oh and the sick football coach too.

and when it comes to this i.e. being on the edge of this cliff, i do what i do best -- i run, literally. i ignore things. i choose to blank out and retreat to my own cocoon of comfort; comprising of my pink and white duvet, four pillows and shelves of books. you give me two, i'll create the third one for you.

i don't jump off nor do i fight for my life. i fly away.

skip this awful part, can?

i was sitting alone at the dining table one day, slurping some leftover tomyam from last night's dinner and suddenly, ter pulak tengok dekat phone busuk itu.

abruptly, i reached for it. scrolled down the phone book and pressed the green button at ost-. at the third ring, she picked up and i said,

"babi aku bosan sial. kau kat mane doh?"

"kat kolej ah. aku ade kelas japgi. nak lepak er?"


at that time, it was already 3 pm. kalau nak lepak later mesti lama, and since i'm the one with the car and because her place to lepak is way much better than mine sebab her place dapat tengok artis artis baru lepas shooting dekat astro, so we NEED to go and lepak at her place. and for me to reach there, i would at least need 15 minutes, depending on the traffic. and the fact that ma doesn't really like it when her anak dara balik rumah close to maghrib, confirm confirm lah kene gerak balik awal. meaning, lepak tak boleh lama. perfect. just PERFECT.

at last, i decided not to go, which also resulted in me being gila babi punye sangap taktau nak buat apa kat rumah.

and this happens pretty much everyday for the past week. imagine that.



fuck laaaaah. you know something, this is what happens when,

1. semester kau bukak awal, so you are forced to miss out on all the fun when everyone was still in their holiday punya mood and menggila tak hengat but you had to prep yourself up for a friggin' new semester.
2. tempat kau study macam haram punya jauh from your friends back at home and you have no choice but to build a steady relationship with mr. facebook sir in order keep in contact with them mates or risk being the one yang akan cakap "wehh ape cite dohh?! aku taktau pun!" during gatherings and lepak sessions.
3. time kau tengah study week member suma boleh pulak buat trip pegi sana sini and post it up on facebook and macam haram punya perli saying i have to frigging study sebab tu they didnt even bother to ajak.
4. you are done with your finals, back at home for good (insyaAllah!) and finally, have all the time in the world to spend with them lovely mates, diorang pulak nak finals!
5. application kau mintak keje sebijik sebijik kena reject.

in short, life is just.. perfect.


oh laaa encik boyfriend, kenapaaa dikau jauh sangat? mari lah kemari ke bangi membawa kodok baru mu itu. beta kepingin bener nak rasa drive kete baru anda wahai encik boyfriend :)

i'm so bored i ended up changing my ringtone 5 times today

why, hello my abandoned blog. it has been a long time indeed eh? :)

i think, for the most part, zat is the best thing that has ever happened to me because i can literally tell him anything, and he actually listens. and trust me when i say anything, i do mean ANYTHING.

i'll rant and blab about random things like pink sarees or cottage cheese, and he would intently listen to every word i say as if i was talking about the country's margin on global development or the fundamental rights to question our faith and he would, without no avail, offer me his views on those things.

well, not that we had never talk about serious and more intelligent issues, mind you. but should you know me that well, you would know how much i like to merepek on weird random things half of the time. and hell, he even came down here to bangi all the way from KB for me okay!

buuuuut.. the boyfriend dah balik KB this morning via airasia. within an hour, he came to be only 15 minutes to 9 hours drive away.
sangat lah tak best.

and member semua busy, so nak tak nak kena jadi mama's full-time supir.
double tak best.

the internet's at home pulak memang mintak kaki. ikut sedap aje nak kejap ade kejap takde. pukimak punye modem.

and going on at this rate, i think i'll end up blowing myself up in two weeks time due to these absurdly excessive fats i'm gaining every milisecond. ohdearlord.



i need to find a job, be productive, or i will definitely go bonkers.

just pictures

1st day of raya, 20th september 2009.
rembau & tampin, negeri sembilan.

maaf zahir dan batin :)

standing together under an umbrella ella ella

you know your relationship is awsome when the first thing you wanna do after waking up every morning is searching for your phone, gobbling them groggy eyes trying to read those two simple words..

"morning, sayang.. :)"

almost instantly, you know the day's going to be fine.

i have to admit, there is still that presence of awkwardness in between us at times. the fact that we are now more than just best friends, adapting with the whole i-can-suddenly-call-you-mine thing needs much hard work than i thought it would.

but frankly, this is by far, the most exciting form of transition i have ever been through. and dayumn! im lovin' every second of it :D

being best friends, we used to call each other up every other day sharing stories, making jokes with/about each other, being partners in crime, standing still as each other's rock -- things best friends do, all this for one whole solid year. and all the while being total idiots that we are, we were both too afraid to take that step forward, not wanting to face risk of losing each other should the risky attempt fails despite the fact that we had subconciously developed 'things' towards one another along the way.

but now that it had happened, i really am glad it did. because no one else could understand my system the way he does and i could his.

you could, in a way, say that we would put each other first more than anyone with an ounce of sanity would. i remember the times he would literally drop things off and pick up my calls, even during the most insane hours only to intently listen to me rambling and crying like a retarded banshee over the phone.

the best part of those phone calls is he would, in the end, either hush soft words to calm me down or with much cruelty, shake my head real hard wanting me to come back and face the opressive reality. oh that is him, alright. my very own two distinctions.

you see, i am a pretty private person. i take my sweet time to take people in as friends as i don't find comfort in confiding myself in mere acquaintances. but in one way or another, he has somehow managed to succesfully prove to me that he is not just that.

i like the fact that we could connect on almost everything and having common grounds on most things despite hailing from different upbringings. though there are times where our opinions clashes, we would naturally find our way to compromise on each other's sayings in the end.

i guess you could say that our insane understanding on each other's views, even the most peculiar ones, is one of the reason why we could deeply connect as friends. that, and the fact that we were secretly attracted to each other :p

i have never felt such connection with another being, let alone from another gender. and it's a warm feeling that keeps you soundly asleep at night.

and i guess it's true when they say men and women can never be just friends. heheh! now that the best friend is officially Mr. Boyfriend, i know things are gonna be smooth up front.

thanks for letting me be your sapphire :)

peringatan: hanya untuk dibaca selepas waktu berbuka

website ini, telah berjaya menduga keimanan saya lebih dari ayam madu bahagian dada di bazaar MPK.

ohmaigad.

now, tell me. indah bukan ciptaan tuhan? :D





here, people, here!